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Installation

by Nathan Mathes

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1.
Wildflowers grow on the side of the road. The curve and the weave and the bend and the bow. Your grandmother laughs on a video call. You're back to work, but it isn't your fault. I was only 23 when I became what I thought was a really big deal. I was so wrong. But I wasn't that young. How many faces fit on a screen? How many blows can you take for the team? Once there were bodies that lay in these beds. Who do we turn to when it all ends? I was only 33 when I found what I thought was the end of the line. Keep the driveway clear. Keep the little one near.
2.
Big Mark 03:41
Lovelier is how I knew you not so long ago. When I believed in little things. Isolation, work from home. It's all we have these days. It wouldn't take much to leave it all behind. From worry and wait to weekend time. But you really made a big mark on me. Move away, taking with you more than you put in. I hear it happens all the time. A girl who breaks apart in there. A boy who breaks her heart It wouldn't take much to leave it all behind. From worry and wait to weekend time. But you really made a big mark on me. But you really made a big mark on me. But you really made a big mark on me.
3.
When we spoke I said I would be around after the long weekend. Leave it up to fate. You're needed, but you're not here. Living in a hotel, eating from a takeout menu, sleeping on the floor. Going out for long walks, waiting with the television on. Drive me back to where we were last night, taking in the late sunset. There's not a lot of good a hurting man can do. Living in a hotel, eating from a takeout menu, sleeping on the floor. Going out for long walks, waiting with the television on. As a joke I said I would go fast, over the speed limit. Then all at once we hear the warning sound. Living in a hotel, eating from a takeout menu, sleeping on the floor. Going out for long walks, waiting with the television on. Living in a hotel, eating from a takeout menu, sleeping on the floor. Going out for long walks, waiting with the television on.
4.
I think I just saw someone I used to know Heading toward the gate of a westbound plane. Call out to my father. We do not connect. I talk with my sister about the accident. Liquids in a little bag. Belly of a silver beast. Outside the world is blue and gray. I swore that I would never fly this way again. Are we all aching widowers or on our way to becoming them? Double-mask and cover our eyes. Damn the cold, invading light. Damn the calm before the rise. Getting close. Terrible thread that pulls you in. Talk of love's surprising grip. Desperate times we share, I guess
5.
Howling out with the front windows down. Take my turn in stride. Oh, I know the risk. The fever is gone but the ache lingers on. Mourning for my friend. Forty years we had. I won't see him again. On the phone I'm not alone. My brother keeps in touch. He loves me and such. But nobody awaits my return. Bird on a line but we're both short on time. Strike a pose for me. It's the little things. Twice everyday I turn on and I play. Play my favorite songs. Some of them are yours. But I don't understand. On the phone I'm not alone. My sister keeps in touch. She loves me and such. But nobody awaits my return.
6.
Cold to the bone in the wind and the snow. You talk me into it. We walk a city mile while the needle does its thing. And it's getting easier to see someone in you. Sparrows are back on the feeder again. You've got four layers on. A whisper in my good ear fogs the glasses on your nose. And it's getting easier to see someone in you. A joke you shouldn't say out loud. You're running in your new jeans now. Should we be wishing on burning lights? Are you aware that you're away almost every night? It's nice when we get out. It's nice to feel it in the knees. The hole in the backyard. I pull the trigger on those new boots now.
7.
What kind of summer leaves a girl without a tan? Where is your work, love? Where is your man? The doors are opening, our friends are coming and going. They're here for you. They're here for me too. There's so much living left on the road, here at home. Watch the children grow. Come to town and set me right. A run in the morning. Did it have to end this way? Everything is made so big these days. The doors are opening, there's nobody coming or going. When we drift apart, we pass apart. There was some living left, I was writing for you in that letter you read. This is where the temptation hides. Smoking cigarettes and walking slowly through a downtown park. The Midwest is growing up. Siren and the flashing lights, Siren and the flashing lights. They're taking your love away.
8.
Installation 03:45
There are so many pictures on my phone. There are so many things we have come to own. There's relief in knowing we're not the ones at fault. This is someone's installation, and we're just looking on. No marks on the highway. No flowers in the weeds. We all suffer differently. Take time for your team. I was wrong to seek relief. I was wrong to make believe. The neighbors have all moved on. There's company across the street. There's no shame in wanting to be taken seriously. But you should never give away any more than you can keep. I was wrong to seek relief. I was wrong to make believe. The neighbors have all moved on. Nobody across the street.
9.
Late night call. Cold rush of disbelief. Long, black hours. There's a tale and the echoing. But there's no sleep where there's unease. We depart with the sun burning in the east. Make our home, in a way, across the street. Shotgun ride to the wreck and the rust and the broke down scene. Where we take photos, pack like thieves. Cold blown air on a hot, still summer body.
10.
When I go out at night in the car it doesn't mean much. I never go far. I no longer worry what tomorrow's like. A shot in the arm. Hold the record one time. A robin or a wren call? Kill an afternoon. Keep it together. Your body thanking you. Riding with the top down, metal on your mind Angel of smoke, and cool, white wine It's better to walk in dying light than melt your eyes with shows online.
11.
Resting your eyes in the cold TV light. Then temper your protest with thoughtful reply. Low on the hook, though. Defender of the long night. Driving fast, with a buzz, on a road you don't know well. I want you anyway. Come be my spark again. Drawing blood from a tree. Only love what you need. Is Jacob at the market with Kimberly? Blackbird on a south wind, returning for the season. Billy Graham on the radio as we move in your big house. I want you anyway. So be my spark again. Driving fast, with a buzz, on a road you don't know well. I want you anyway. So be my spark again.

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released June 9, 2023

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Nathan Mathes Green Bay, Wisconsin

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